Dear reader,
Have you ever noticed that a small moment can bring up a much bigger feeling?
Maybe someone’s tone makes you feel rejected. Maybe making a mistake leaves you spiraling into shame or guilt. Maybe you are constantly trying to prove that you are good enough, even when you are exhausted, burnt out, and overwhelmed.
Sometimes, the part of us reacting is not only the adult version of us. Sometimes, it is a younger version of ourselves who still wants to feel seen, heard, safe, and loved.
What Does Inner Child Healing Mean?
Healing your inner child is about showing up for the past version of you who did not have somebody show up in the way you needed.
That does not necessarily mean that nobody loved you. It does not mean you have to blame your parents or spend your life stuck in the past. It simply means getting curious about the experiences that shaped you.
What did you learn about emotions when you were younger?
Were you allowed to cry, make mistakes, ask for help, or take up space?
Did love only happen when the people around you were happy? Did you learn that love had to be earned through achievement, perfectionism, or keeping everyone else happy? Did love come when you were quiet and out of the way?
Those lessons can quietly follow us into adulthood. They can become the invisible glasses through which we see ourselves, our relationships, and the world around us.
Why This Work Can Feel So Emotional
When I think about my own inner child, it still makes me cry sometimes.
I think about the younger version of me who wanted to be seen and heard and loved. I think about how often people missed the mark. And I think about how healing it has been to finally become the person younger me needed.
Inner child healing has helped me feel more grounded and present. Instead of living my life based only on what other people taught me I was supposed to do, I am learning to connect with what actually makes me feel safe, supported, and loved.
That younger part of me does not run my life. But she does offer valuable information. Adult me gets to listen with compassion and respond with the knowledge, safety, and experience I have now.
A Simple Inner Child Healing Exercise
One of my favorite exercises begins with a picture.
Find a photo of yourself when you were younger. It can be printed or saved on your phone. Take a moment to really look at that child.
Remember: that child is still part of you.
Think about what they were carrying. Think about the life experiences they had not yet walked through. Then say something out loud that you wish you could have heard during that time.
You might say:
“You do not have to do this alone.”
“It is okay to cry.”
“It is okay to have feelings.”
“You are allowed to make mistakes.”
“You do not have to know what you are doing yet.”
“I am here with you.”
If you feel comfortable, try this exercise in front of a mirror. Look into your own eyes as you speak. Let those words reach the younger version of you who needed someone to listen.
Giving Yourself Grace as You Grow
Healing your inner child is not about becoming perfect. It is not about never feeling triggered again.
It is about giving yourself grace.
You are a person. You are learning. You are growing. You are allowed to make mistakes. You are allowed to have needs. You are allowed to choose a life that feels authentic to you.
This work can change the way you show up as a parent, partner, friend, and human being. Most importantly, it can change the way you show up for yourself.
You do not have to abandon the younger version of you anymore.
You get to become the safe person they needed.
With love and support,
Tammy | Empowering Optimism Therapy
